Insecurities!
I’m
thinking we all have insecurities. Right? No one can
feel good about themselves all the time. Can they?Anyway, here’s the scoop: I’ve published almost thirty books now. Some of them aren’t even too sucky. In fact, some of the less sucky ones have actually won awards--tangible living proof I can put on the shelf and fondle every once in a while. Did I say fondle? I meant….ponder. (Pssttt…sometimes there’s fondling.)
But I’m now in the…insert Jaws music
here… squishy
middle of the book. And suddenly it doesn’t matter
that I’ve done this twenty some times before because
I know, I KNOW without a doubt that I can NOT finish
this one. And if, by some freaky
out-of-this-universe, never-gonna-happen miracle I
did finish it, it would take suckage to a new and
amazingly spectacular low. My New York agent (who
doesn’t actually possess tear ducts :) will cry big
ol’ crocodile tears. My editor will either A. kill
herself, or possibly worse to my way of thinking
(depending on my current mood) B. kill ME.
And it doesn’t matter that I think this with every
impending deadline. It doesn’t matter that at page
210 without fail I call every single person I know
who will still talk to me just so I can warn them
not to waste their hard-earned $6.99 on my next
book…which, of course, will never be finished
because I’m this huge spectacular loser writer who
wouldn’t be able to conjure up the word ‘help’ if
her hair was on fire.
So…here’s my question: What do YOU do to get
yourself through this emotional quicksand? I don’t
necessarily mean writing…but there’s certainly
(maybe) SOMETHING that makes you believe you no
longer deserve the really great things in life…like
oxygen. SOMETHING that makes you want to hide under
your bed inhaling powder sugar donuts until you’re
the approximate size and shape of Shamu and can no
longer...
Perhaps
I digress. What I’m trying to say is, have you ever
felt you can’t possibly do whatever it is you swore
on a stack of Bibles you would do? And how did you
manage to turn it around? What works for you?
Prayer? Meditation? Black magic? Mumbling
affirmations in the mirror? Long walks on the beach
with your favorite potbelly pig? I’ll consider
anything. So spill…please. My deadline’s April 1 and
did I mention how much this book sucks???